You can't influence another party unless they interact with you. The best interaction is to allow them to talk.
When you ask the questions generally you are exerting control over the relationship. You are forcing the other party to give you feedback by disclosing information about their position. Armed with this information, you can then modify the shape of what you want to say to suit the needs of the other, or to work on the other party's pressure points.
You must reveal your own information and your position to the other party as well. Inevitably, you must present your case and debate the issues. But it helps enormously if the other party has revealed their own situation first.
When you time your presentation properly by revealing only enough of your own position to arouse the interest of the other party, asking the necessary questions and by listening carefully to the answers, you are in stronger position. You will identify the problems well in advance, you will spot opportunities and you will be able to accurately judge the limits of the other party's position. Then, when you do talk, you will do so in a way that suits the other party. This minimizes their resistance.
One of the first times I learned the lesson to keep quiet until the other person reveals his or her information and position, was at the hands (or I should say feet) of a seasoned sales manager whom I had asked for assistance with a big sale. Before we went in to see my client, the manager said we were to listen to discover what other proposals he had received from other salespeople before we present our proposal. The manager asked the key question and the client hesitated. He hesitated for what seemed a long time. Not able to endure the silence while we stared at each other, I began to blurt out something about our proposal when the manager stomped on my foot. He missed my shoe and his heel cut into my instep above the shoe. I remained quiet while I felt the blood trickling down into my shoe.
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