Counterattacking a Bully with Words

Published: Feb 14, 2006

Application

Create and rehearse clever retorts for matching wits with a bully. These are not meant to be scripts. These suggested conversations are more effective when expressed in your own words.

For this maxim, a bully is a person or organization who is threatening or causing you harm and is using their power to cause you additional injury. Your power increases in direct proportion to the amount of injury you have suffered together with the number of times you have attempted to resolve the situation.

Some conversations

Chief Bully (President of Large Organization): "Why are you calling me?"

You: "I thought you would appreciate this courtesy call before any irreparable damage is done to your company. I would certainly appreciate such an opportunity myself."

"I have another reason for giving you this courtesy call. Since I would never be able to compete with your advertising and public relations budgets, I could be tempted to rely on covert measures. To deny you a rebuttal is not fair."

When possible or appropriate, praise the company representatives, who failed to resolve the problem.

"It appears to be a systemic problem. Wouldn't it be to your advantage to correct this?"

Bully: "Why would you do (whatever action was implied?)"

Remind him or her of the injury you suffered. Restate from your list of embarrassing facts (see below.)

A sample or mirroring - "Do you think this is fair, put yourself in my shoes, what would you think?"

Gatekeeper: "The President is a very busy person."

You: "I can relate to that. Because I, too, am a President. (They may not know you are President of a very small business.) I'm sure your President is very adept at using his time wisely. This is why I'm certain he would like to resolve such a time-consuming incident that could escalate if it is not given his immediate and personal attention.

Gatekeeper: "May I tell her what this is concerning?"

You: "It's such a sensitive and embarrassing topic, I'd prefer to allow the President to hear it first."

(Ask for the Gatekeeper's name, title and location. Make it obvious you are writing it down by asking for correct spellings.)

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Remember - to maintain your integrity and to justify your counterattack, you must have clear evidence you have been bullied beyond your attempts for a resolution.

Embarrass the bully by stating facts only.

Avoid opinions, judgements or such general categorizing as, "getting the run around."
Avoid such descriptors as, "rude, nasty, impolite or incompetent."
Gather as many facts as you can. List in order of severity.
Add more impact by detailing times and dates, incidents, events, names of people and actual outcomes.
Repeat whenever you are at a loss for words or when you prefer to avoid answering a question.

Embarrass with phrases.

Quote unreasonable or unbecoming statements made by a company representative.
Repeat those you sensed hit a nerve or received extra attention.
Emphasize how you acted in good faith.

Ready to risk a little comic relief?

You: (in very assertive voice) "Do you know who I am?"

Bully: "No."

You: "Thank God for that!"

Just before hanging up, "I'm not going to match wits with you - you're unarmed." Or, "Since you seem to know a lot about technology, tell if this sounds like me hanging up."

If you suspect you are getting the run-a-round, obtain the referrer's name, title and location. Then say in a measured voice, "It is fair to warn you, (first name if possible,) if (name of assignee) passes me to other persons before this situation is resolved, I'll keep you informed but, probably, with less politeness." Many bureaucrats avoid work or responsibilities with this get-rid-of routine. They are less inclined to do so if they think the problem will come back to them and with more discomfort.

Stories

Stories from members will add great value to these maxims.

Please post your story by emailing it to max@unclemaxsays.com.

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Outcomes

Remove fear and frustration from your thoughts.
Increase your confidence when confronting a bully.
Resolve seemingly unresolvable dilemmas.
Preparation enhances your intellect.
BS (Behavioral Science) baffles bullies